i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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