You're so nebulous sometimes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
