This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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