Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
