her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
