dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
