she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
