He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Someone signed my nipple.
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