after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
