you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Boobs are out for the taking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
