I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
