worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
