Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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