I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
