It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize