No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
