Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
