During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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