I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize