you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
