4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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