It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
