i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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