just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
