My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
