this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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