Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
