I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
