I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
