I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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