i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
