I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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