Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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