So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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