Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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