i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
