sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
