my phone needs a breathalizer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
