hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
