so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
