Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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