if you like me you must not know who I am
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
