I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
