There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
