Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
