you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
