You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize