My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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