did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
