i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize