In America we eat man semen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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