Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
that may or may not have been my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
