My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
