So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
