Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
