everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
