Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
