your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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