Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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