I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
