There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
