Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
