i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize