So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
