I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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