Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
