Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
