Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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