i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
