Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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